Jockin' The Bitches!

 We all know that capitalism is the great equalizer and if money is to be made it will find a way. Nothing can be more representative of this truism than the complete sell out of the elder statesmen of Hip Hop. Ice Cube, Ice T, Snoop Dogg, Jay Z and P Diddy…those cats are all cooked. The only street cred they have left is suburban. Snoop Dogg coaches his son’s midget football team. Ice T hasn’t wanted to kill a cop in years. Ice Cube maybe straight out of Compton, but his sentiments currently reside in Beverly Hills. He’s the Ozzie Nelson of Hip Hop. Ice Cube hasn’t jocked a bitch in 20 years...and you call yourself a rapper? This is exactly what happens when you become too fat and too sassy. You can’t make weight.

Kanye West’s moms died while getting plastic surgery for crying out loud. Jay Z raps because it’s part of his brand. He built his empire on being a rapper. So between the clothing line, the fragrances, the record label and the new sports agency he raps. If he didn’t his fans would accuse him of abandoning his roots, which he did 15 years ago. 

They’ve all been down to the crossroads and cut their deals. “Good morning Snoop!” “Good Morning Mrs. Kravitz!”

Chris Rock isn’t nearly as mordant and trenchant as he was in the mid 90’s when he unleashed Bring The Pain onto an unsuspecting audience. He made hilarious and socially aware commentary with alacrity and insight. Fast forward to 2013 and now he’s wandering around in some Adam Sandler regurgitation for the second time.

What the hell happened? To the urgency? To the anger? Then again, how dangerous can you be when you're doing a guestie on Ellen? The system has done the job of compromising you with great prejudice and being angry becomes almost impossible when you have 100 million dollars in the bank.

Hip Hop is mainstream and the status quo drives the marketplace. Yet, I understand it completely. People get older. Life has a way making you reconcile a position you never thought you’d embrace in a million years. That bitch goddess success, she’s one helluva bitch!

So, for the rest of you bitches that need jockin’ and the rest of you hoes that need slappin’ I am offering my services. I see no reason why a 60 year old yellowing, pasty faced, fur matted gob can’t get in on one of the oldest staples in the hip hop world. Just because I’m a little older and doughier and might lack the ‘in the saddle’ staying power of these younger bucks doesn’t mean I still can’t take care-a-bidness! 

So I wrote this little rhyme to state my case.

Geezy’s the name

And here’s the hitch.

I just won’t jock

Any muthafuckin’ bitch.

She gotta have class

A state of the art hoe

With a multitaxin’ ass

For my flat screen to go.

I’m looking for a few ladies to be in my new video. All you have to do is come by the studio in a bikini and shake your ass for the camera while five middle aged white guys stand around and drool like they're watching a gallon of paint being mixed at the local hardware store. 

You see the difference between me and Snoop, he’s going to the hardware store. 

If NWA ever tries a reunion tour they’ll need to change their name to NWM: Niggaz With Manners.