20 Pro Tips
- Never eat at a place
called The Shittery.
- Buy low and sell high
in Real Estate and pussy.
- If a man uses a camo
wallet he’s probably a cheapskate.
- The God Delusion makes
an excellent stocking stuffer.
- When pricing cemetery
plots always ask about “early check in”.
- Remember, if you’re
thinking about cheating on your spouse from a socio-anthropological
perspective who isn’t?
- A thumb/index finger
sign for OK directed at your server will be appreciated in a tight economy
and a great way to save a few bucks.
- There is no such thing
as the Best of John Tesh.
- If your are
incontinent and waiting in a long line a yellow polyurethane ‘A’ frame
sign announcing “caution- wet floor!” placed next to you is the right
thing to do.
- Attention post op
trannies update your Facebook page!
- The severity of man’s
denial is commensurate with the size of his cable package.
- Dating a new girl and
curious about her personal hygiene?
A quick, surreptitious glance inside her microwave oven is an
excellent indicator.
- A hint from Heloise? A
ped-egg is outstanding for exfoliating an aging nut sack.
- Kim Kardsahian doesn’t
exist. I met her.
- How do you know if
you’ve been married to the same person too long? When you look in the
mirror you both look like Paulie Walnuts.
- If you answer the door
in a motel room and a chimp is standing in the doorway, give him the money.
- The sound of gargling
by a Siberian transsexual is preferable to the sounds of The
Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
- Seniors drink decaf
because they don’t want to be awake any longer than they have to.
- As one ages a good bowel movement can salvage a very bad day
- If a thousand flies
land on something chances are it’s a piece of shit.
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