Y, D and Full of C

When an adult says, “youth is wasted on the young” what exactly does he or she mean? It means that all of youth’s energy and exuberance does not make up for its lack of reasoning and maturity. Youth will always choose the wrong path even with the advice of an experienced helpful witness, summarily alacrity is thusly wasted.

On the other side of the coin if that same adult says “If I knew then what I know now” he is saying that in order to really appreciate being “young dumb and full of cum” it helps to have your wig screwed on tight. My friend Mike had this experience where he relived his undergrad days at the age of 42. He went back to get his masters degree at the same college he stumbled through 23 years earlier.

This cat was calling me at home where my wife and children sleep regaling me with tales of knocking over succulent hard bellies 20 years his junior because now he had the moola and slick rap and wasn’t the same pockmarked Neanderthal from his minority. I told him that it was wrong for him to call me with his tales of debauchery and that I had absolutely no need for succulent hard bellies anymore because I was a mature and seasoned adult and no longer Y, D and full of C. When you are a parent you have to watch the language. You never know who might be in earshot and anyway I was getting ready to go to a parent/teacher conference.

Another sad thing about aging other than the stealthy encroachment of corporal oblivion is the perception that as we age time accelerates. The older we get the emptying sand in the hourglass seems to increase speed, time compresses and the “days run away like wild horses over the hill.”  Just to quote Charles Bukowski should be victory in itself, but I am trying to make a larger point here.

This is the inherent rub with youth. They have too much of it and I don’t, yet my insatiable thirst for knowledge at the age of 60 is in direct opposition to Youth’s lust for the pedantic. What I would give to go back 35 years and immerse myself in the areas that really mattered and not satisfy myself with the mother and daughter 3 way that availed itself at Disco Deli night at Sands delicatessen in 1978. Maybe if I had forsaken that sandwich and instead repaired to my quarters and stoked the other flame I wouldn’t have had to get restraining orders on those two sideshow freaks. But this is the point. Youth is wasted on the young. Instead of burying my head in Nietzsche’s The Genealogy of Morals, I was serving my Hebrew National to a couple of deranged suburban fressers.

Jay Leno used to joke that when you are 19 you have pimples, no prospects, but a great dick. When you’re 50 you have money, prestige and nothin’ happenin’ down here (grab self for comedic emphasis). Life wouldn’t be so ironic if it wasn’t so ironic.

The point is this: Blink and you’re 50. Blink again and you’re dead! Two blinks are all it takes for life to flick you into eternity like a spent cigarette butt if you do not wise up and take your silly ass home. Not to You Tube, Face Book, or Twitter, but to a world where the spirit of inquiry takes precedent over an out of context appearance of some D Listers jelly roll. What is there to be gained from watching a masquera-ed 14-year-old shrieking newbie queen come flying out of a closet?

So here it is in a nutshell. Do not waste time. Learn everything you can that doesn’t involve a sports team. The brain like any other organ needs repetitions. Do not waste your days voting which no talent TV skeezix is the most talented. Also, social websites are an illusion. They drive people apart as opposed to bringing them together. How you portray yourself on Facebook bears scant resemblance to your authentic self. Studies show that people have less intimate friends, friends you would confide your deepest feelings to now in the age of the social media then 20 years ago.

I blinked and now I’m 60. When I get aroused it sounds like a rusty drawbridge going up. The flesh always fails. When you are young the days seem endless, but that is nature’s ultimate illusion. Time is not on your side. 

Read the masters! Listen to a great variety of music. Go to museums. Study philosophy. All of it will open up new vistas and possibilities. If you fill your hours with curiosity and wonder the sexiest one in the room will suddenly be the person who can quote Proust and the true meaning of life will open up like the legs of that wild ass bimbo you keelhauled by the dumpster last Saturday night.