Emcees Of The Surface Show Redux

Are you fulla shit? Are you allergic to the truth? If your answer to either of these questions is yes you might have what it takes to compete in the exciting world as a Master of Ceremonies.

America is looking for a few good emcees to continue a tradition that has defined it since the ink was still wet on the Constitution…salesmanship!

           

Do you have what it takes to control the vertical and horizontal of everything the public sees and hears? Then maybe you have what it takes to be an Emcee of the Surface Show.

What is an emcee? An emcee is a person who acts as a puppeteer. He or she through the psychological phenomenon of transference absorbs the power of the subjugated masses (audiences) and through this osmosis swells not physically, but symbolically in the eyes of the crowd.

What is the surface show? The surface is show is the world perceived by the CHAD or Cannibalistic Humanoid Above ground Dwellers or people. The surface show is the 2 dimensional performance of daily life viewed and accepted by the masses through its unfettered embrace of culturally sanctioned myths and traditions. If you have what it takes to take what they gots you can reap tremendous rewards by being an emcee of the finely tuned piece of bullshit.

Who are the so called Emcees of this Surface Show? The Emcees of the Surface show are part magician, alchemist and charlatan. They are the tastemakers of the public trust. At ESS, through rigorous study and narcissistic proclivity graduates are bequeathed powers to bend opinion, control the flow of information and essentially master any and all ceremonies.

Think about that for a second…How many of us can honestly say they have ever mastered the ceremonies or even one ceremony? I sure can’t and I’m writing this motherfuckin’ blog!

ESS is not a trade school, but a non-profit ORG sanctioned by the International Federation of Bullshit that coaches and trains America’s future emcees. Whatever your area of interest you will be taught by the industry’s finest instructors, many of which have worked as consultants for WD40, and Slick 50.

AT ESS you will learn how to obfuscate, spin and distort the truth through tried and true methods pioneered by some of the world’s greatest obfuscators, spinners and distorters such as Glenn Beck, Bill Clinton and Edward Bernays.

At ESS you can master the art of the:

Superfluous talking Head

Over blown windbag pundit

Unhinged bloviating crank

Non-credentialed Internet wacko

Highly paid alleged expert

Sanctimonious, repentant clergyman

Insincere celebrity endorser

Lying in the face of the obvious truth, corporate shill

Here are testimonials from two recent graduates:

“I never thought I’d be able to get elected to anything let alone President of the United States, but ESS showed me that it’s not what you say that counts, but how you say it!”  Amabo Kcarab

“ESS instilled in me that it’s all in the presentation and that the audience is less interested in facts than in a good show. ESS taught me how to dress and comport myself in front of huge crowds which at my place of work in Rome lets me get to more important work of getting them to eat out of my hand.”  Name withheld by request.

Whether your dream is to be a greasy politician, corporate yes-man, tap dancing philanderer or duplicitous lobbyist ESS is your ticket out from the herd and up to the mountain top where loin clothed acolytes carry you in sequined palanquins to your appointed rounds as emcees of the surface show and absolute masters of the ceremonies.